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[Leswan]

On my way home from work yesterday, I drove my usual route which lead me through a small town centre. As I proceeded down the road that takes me to my town, I found that the police had blockaded the road. I couldn't see why, but presumed it was a road accident. I turned around and took another route home.

I went to bed at 11ish and meditated.

I hadn't got very far before drifting to sleep.

In a semi-sleep / meditative state I saw a cyclist lying on the floor with paramedics around him. I could see that his hand and maybe part of his arm had been mangled (possibly run over). It was in a really bad state. I could barely keep my focus upon it.

The shock of this brought me closer to waking conciousness and I received a message that I had to be shown such things in order to desensitize me for the work ahead.

This message wasn't verbal but was definitely from an outside source.

I wonder what work I have ahead of me?

Matt

[Tom]

There are advantages to remaining on the edge of the situation, without fully responding to it emotionally the way the actual participants may tend to be. Being detached or having equanimity gives you a stability and a perspective that can make you of more use when you are trying to help. The people in the ambulance in the example you gave also saw how awful the situation was, but they still had to get the injured guy to the hospital as quickly as possible. It doesn't mean not responding emotionally to seeing something awful; it means doing so afterward, once the situation has been dealt with and their role is finished.

[Aunt Clair]

On my way home from work yesterday, I drove my usual route which lead me through a small town centre. As I proceeded down the road that takes me to my town, I found that the police had blockaded the road. I couldn't see why, but presumed it was a road accident. I turned around and took another route home.

I went to bed at 11ish and meditated.

I hadn't got very far before drifting to sleep.

In a semi-sleep / meditative state I saw a cyclist lying on the floor with paramedics around him. I could see that his hand and maybe part of his arm had been mangled (possibly run over). It was in a really bad state. I could barely keep my focus upon it.

The shock of this brought me closer to waking conciousness and I received a message that I had to be shown such things in order to desensitize me for the work ahead.

This message wasn't verbal but was definitely from an outside source.

I wonder what work I have ahead of me?

Matt

That is a very intriguing message. When training to be an EMT  ambulance attendant  , we were required to observe autopsys. The purpose of this was to determine if we were able to handle the sights of the business and if not to discourage us right away in a controlled situation. And there is a feeling that seeing such sights cold and anatomically could desensitive them.

It is possible that you will be doing work in the spiritual and/or physical realms.

When I was a little girl, I would project to the carnage in the Vietnam war and assist in soul rescue. I would take the deceased soldiers in a little red wagon to a pillar of light , send them healing energy to lift their vibration and point the way home. Others do this ministry , still. Perhaps you will do that for a time.

Another thing to consider is being used as an instrument of healing too. When I was a young adult , I would get visions and messages about some place to go and when I arrived there I would help out. Sometimes it was a person who just needed their hand held as they died other times it was to provide first aid.

I am confident that humans are called in such a manner .

By service our souls are magnified. It is by love and sacrifice that we grow . This improves the light vibration of the human energy body.

[Leswan]

Thanks AC and Ruby.

In the year that has elapsed since this happened I'm still not sure what the reference to the work ahead was. In OBE / Astral projection I have witnessed some things that at one point would have upset me, but which I am able to deal with comfortably now, so perhaps it helped in that 'de-sensitisation'. I have also recently commenced regular healing work, so maybe I am moving into an area where I will need to deal physically or non-physically with the injured and the sick.

Ruby - you make an interesting point regarding inner-knowing and outside messages, but to suggest not to talk about them isn't all that helpful. How can an aspirant ever develop discernment if he/she is unable to discuss his/her experiences with peers? And this is a forum for exactly those discussions.

That said, there is undoubtedly truth in your perspective. I know all too well that I am not my mind, and I know the attention seeking tricks it uses. But I also know the difference between mind-generated rubbish, and true spiritual visions / experiences: a not unpleasant sense of unease, or perhaps unfamiliarity, accompanies my spiritual experiences.

I also hold the belief that anything from an outside source that infiltrates my consciousness certainly does have something to do with me. In OBE I was taken to the lost soul of a deceased friend who required a gentle nudge to move on from the place he had become stuck. I'm really glad I didn't leave him out there. I know there is a band of human-mind-chatter that I encounter regularly in meditation, and yes, that I dismiss and move beyond it, but once beyond that point, everything I encounter I consider to be important.

As I see it, we are all drops in the great sea of consciousness and are not separate from anything. We have to move with the tide, wherever it takes us, and interact with our brothers and sisters. That is service. And this far, it has lead me to moments of indescribable peace and bliss.

Best wishes

Matt

[Leswan]

Wow. I thought I should update this journal in light of what happened on Monday 16th January 2012 (two days ago).

I had taken the day off work, spent some time at home meditating and doing some jobs whilst my wife was at work and my son was at nursery.

I had planned to walk down to nursery at 2.30 to pick up my son and meet my wife down there, but she called to say that she would be coming home to pick me up first, before going to collect our son.

We got to the nursery and my son was a little bit upset having bumped his head earlier in the day. Despite a huge bump on his head he seemed generally OK, but I spent some time in the cloak room of the nursery assessing him before leaving.

Whilst I was assesing him, there was a bang outside which startled my wife.

As we left the nursery (me carrying my son) and we turned out of the grounds to face the main road near to where our car was parked, I could see an elderly man lying motionless in the road, his head bleading badly.

I couldn't compute what had happened and why he was lying in the road 10 metres away from the crossing? Of course he had been hit by a car.

I was so shocked, I froze.

In the time that it took for me to realise that I had unwittingly put my son down and re-secured him in my arms, my wife had already sprung into action.

Despite having very little first aid knowledge and despite the injuries being beyond what a first-aider could deal with in any meaningful way, she felt compelled to be beside the victim and console him - regardless of whether he would be aware of her.

She discovered that there were actually two victims. The elderly man's wife lay on the other side of the car which had ploughed into them. She was unconcious and bleeding profusely from her ears, nose and mouth. My wife knelt beside her and spoke to her until the paramedics arrived.

The woman died shortly afterwards.

Out of the 50 or so people who were present, only a handful acted. Most, like myself, were paralysed by shock, fear, and a whole mix of other emotions.

We all need to follow the promptings of our inner experiences. We need to address the issues they highlight.

I need to become more like my wife.

Otherwise what's the point of all this spiritual development?

[Aunt Clair]

Good Lesson.

I was in the doctor office with one of our daughters who was a 14 yo teen in HS at that time. A man ran in and asked for help and my daughter did not hesitate. I had to run after her. We got to the scene in the road and saw a man crying sitting on top of his car not on the bonnet or boot but all the way on top. Another man was pacing by a woman who was about very pregnant and obviously dying from being hit by a car. My daughter immediately started to direct traffic and commanded the scene. I was more passive. She barked at me to attend the pregnant woman and I triaged her and discovered her brain was swelling and CSF fluid was leaking out of her ears, she could not move and was in shock. I tried to comfort her holding her hand and speaking softly to her. I began to pray. A woman shouted at me , she was the grandmother of the dying fetus and indignantly claimed that they were atheists and did not believe in that "BS"She demanded that I did not pray. So I prayed silently . A death angel came and swept the babe from the womb saying "poor little lamb". I learned that the hospital ended the pregnacy to save the mother's life but the baby was too young and so both died. I am confident that the baby did not suffer for her spirit was already gone. We could not save them but Chrissy kept the shocked husband from walking into traffic , twice. She directed traffic around the victims and the gathered relatives in shock. She shouted back at drivers who abused her for telling them not to come so close.

Chrissy has always been fast to react in emergencies and this is one of her gifts.
I have seen Christina save lives since the time she was a toddler;

*In 1986 she rescued her infant brother who crawled out the door into the driveway while my spouse and I were carrying in groceries. How horrible we both felt to have not picked up on the emergency at hand and how grateful we were that his sister not 3 years old yet was grabbing his pajama feet and screaming.  

* At Disney's Typhoon Lagoon  in that lazy creek ride (unsure of the name), my daughter broke away from the double stroller,she would have been almost 5.She ran down a steep embankment and pulled up a drowning toddler who's hair was splayed out on the surface like a water lilly. Chrissy pulled the child's head up by her hair while screaming "Who's kid is this and why aren't you watching?"The mother was smoking and gossiping and had no clue that her child had gotten out of her own stroller and fallen through the fence. I was trying to move through the crowd and that quickly saw my own child run down the dangerous bank unable to do anything about it and not knowing why she was doing such a risky thing. I called to her to stop and stalled thinking I have other babies here do I leave them unattended in this crowd? Yes I must like the lost sheep so I crawled awkwardly over the barrier to get her. The lifeguards were busy watching fit bodies and gossiping and nobody had seen that poor child drowning but Christina. The girl lived without brain damage.

* After a circus , there was a huge crowd leaving the venue and we queued up at the doors to exit. Chrissy broke away from me and ran into a toilet where a pedophile male was abusing a girl choking her while trying to get her to cooperate. Chrissy heard the kid scream and ran in and yelled at that man and he ran away. He was not caught sadly but the child was alive. I had not even heard the girl's struggles in the cacophony of the crowd but Chrissy did and did not think of her own safety.

*My placenta abbreviated on my last pregnancy , Chrissy was 13 when I awoke from becoming soaked and turned on the lamp to discover I was hemorrhaging. As I was already in shock I moved slowly and unconcerned and thought that it was fine that I was dying. Shock can do that. Chrissy yelled at me and began to bark orders characteristically waking the family into action. She called the hospital and woke her father and siblings. She directed me to sit down and put up my legs on a pillow. She told another to grab towels to stop the flow. And she demanded that I stay awake and arranged to get me out to the car as soon as it was ready. I was carried by my sons and shoved into the car. Billy and I lived.

In each case there were many others able to do something but they stood by doing nothing. It is a gift to be able to move through the stillness when time seems to stand still in a chaotic moment. It is another gift to hear the call of those in need and another to be able to command others to assist each other. It is something we can all learn to do. I am grateful to have personally had good teachers such as Chrissy and I am grateful for the inspiration of your wife.

I believe that we may be born with gifts but other abilities we may all attain.

I agree that you can attain this one by emulating your good wife who acted nobly without thought to her own safety and was able to react without being selfishly blocked by her own emotion, which is very brave and commendable.

Thanks for sharing your anecdote !!

[Leswan]

And thank you for sharing yours. 

[Aunt Clair]

In syncronicity.... I found this while searching for the healing blanket and pillar of energy posts at FB, which are I still can't seem to find ...sigh...search engines need to be improved in general so we can search references within a forum/site.
And my aging memory needs to find better ways of retrieval too. Perhaps I did not post it at FB, yet. Hmmmm


Concerning the role of the magician in younger days vs. the role of the aging magician in my case a crone;

We author our experiences somewhat. But the universe authors too in a response to our own energies and in repsone to those we interact with.

As a young woman, I saved numerous lives as a lifeguard, firefighter and EMT both on and off duty. Because as a young magician , visions periodically lead me to travel to a place where someone would be needed before an accident began. This was pivotal in inspiring me to develop the abilties I was born with and to understand these as a magician.

Awareness for the service of others can be a role of the magician. And it is a loss to not play that part physically anymore because it was satisfying to be that instrument of service. However the roles of a magician do not suddenly stop, these may change over time and even continue, after death.

I continue that role astrally and magically. I began to save lives as an exorcist, instead of a lifeguard or firefighter or EMT. This activity has slowed down and I feel that this is because of physical concerns due to my aging. Whenever the mind, body, soul or spirit changes significantly then the magician's works will change too.

Time decreases and increases;
Time is linear and like a silken thread it can be tugged in either direction but it is not elastic so it doesn't stretch very well. Time can be slid upon like a frozen lake to gaze at the future or past but that enchanting pasttime does not change the lake. Life is a circle of time on a line, like a river it is fluid the past can be the frozen lake and the future the more mutable river which might take a sudden new turn due to erosion , a dam, a storm or other change. So our visions of the future are often warnings of what may be but not what must be , we have opportunity to change some events or at least like the good fairy in Sleeping Beauty we can modity the inevitable by making it less negative. Hearing the curse of the witch, the missing good fairy bestowed her own gift. Saying " I can't take back the curse but I can change it for the better, instead of dying when she pricks her finger , she shall fall into a sleep.

"Everything changes, nothing remains the same, everything returns."~Siddhartha by Herman Hesse

And so like the river, I have found that there awards and detriments around each bend. Buddha says to thank the universe for the shadow and the light. A trauma is a good lesson and/or a good teacher. A blessing is a gift or a manifestation earned or brought forth by us. We need to be grateful for both. As the magician ages,they may no longer be the one who runs to help the physical emergency but they may become more adept at aiding the spiritual emergency. And though  the sight of the physical eyes declines over time, the clairvoyant sight continues to improve, over time.

Regarding the examination of gain sometimes causing loss ;
The magician understands that black magick exacts painful karmic consequences and is cautioned by FB against its use. Donald Kraig writes in Modern Magic that the will of a magician might unconciously affect black magick and so instructs the magician to be cautious to not send anger or thoughts of revenge out into the universe. The magician's thoughts are more powerful than the unaware human and the magician faces a greater responsibility for their thoughts and actions. Evil comes back thrice. In evil actions of non love what might be considered a temporary gain may presents a permanent loss.

Basal vs Profound Understandings
A young child is instructed that trees breathe in carbon dioxide and breathe out air while people breathe in air and breathe out carbon dioxide. But that is a very basal understanding that the High School Science teacher undertakes to correct. The atmosphere is not mostly oxygen, it is nitrogen. When humans breathe out air; they have sufficient oxygen left in the exhalation to support the life of another in first aid resuscitation. The simpler definition was acceptable to the young child but a more complex definition is necessary as an adult.

Similarly it would be a mistake for a magician to consider that IIH presents an eclectic and complete and profound understanding of Hermetics. Bardon presents it as an introductory course. When the magician completes the ten steps they will not be perfect nor an expert. The magician will continue their work on an eternal path.

In this case I operated on Step I five years ago. And I moved on. Now I am reflecting on the changes in my life since then. It is in my humble opinion an incomplete understanding that to become more fire in personality it is necessary to sublimate the effect of water because this is a linear basal approach .

As the magician pulls on one end of the continuum the other end is also affected. And I am confident that this is not the effect Bardon espoused.

Fire will be extinguished by water in the physical . We can agree Fire and Water are opposites and that the reciprocal action of opposite elements can be expected to afford balance as FB taught.  But this is a basal and primary understanding which does not take on board the greater implications of a loss that comes with a gain.

It would be better to exact a balance of the hermetic elements by the pranic intake of a balanced tetrapolar breath and a balanced intake of balanced tetrapolar energy drawn in prior to magical workings and a desire and will to become more balanced in all four elements. The magician should seek centre for balancing . The magician should not expect that the extraction of one element by the addition of another will perfect their  personality
.

I suppose that had Bardon continued his instruction past the fourth card that the next steps would be more clear.

Concerning the crone;
  Becoming a crone is a magical expression. The feminine trinity is the  maiden , the mother and the crone. The crone is a statement regarding  my experience and wisdom. It is my stage of life and it is a fact I  celebrate . I am 56 . I embrace this truth and do not find it a loss  but a gain. Aging is not bad and it is certainly better than the  alternatives which are to remain a neophyte without experience or to die. I am so blessed to have grandchildren and a husband whom I have grown old with. I have children whom are magicians and hope to have  grandchildren that will be too. I have enjoyed every place on the wheel of life I have stood for a time in this life and in others . I have seen concurrent lives of my monad and I have seen past lives and future ones. I know that my spirit has played a part in the ascension of that monad and that we are planning where and when to reincarnate to further our ascension. And that is the sum of my reflection concerning the crone.

It is not an act of self loathing to reflect upon one's loss and one's gain. It is humility at the lack of perfection. And honesty that gain and loss and change are inevitable.I love myself. Evidence of this is in my actions to fight successfully to come back to life after death thrice.

In fact/it is part of the exercise of the soul mirror which Bardon intimated to learn honest self deprecation and self appreciation. That is what I attempted to articulate by sharing my revision of my soul mirror exercise here.

I will take on board your advice to reflect again in six months time though. It is necessary to continue self introspection regularly and routinely.
I wrote this in reply to a member at FB who said I did not love myself and that I
debased my aging. I certainly did not mean to imply that.

"Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been." ~Mark Twain
"Age wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul." Douglas MacArthur

Helen Hayes once said that she wouldn't trade one tear or one wrinkle for these were the smile lines she had earned through her life.

Julie by Crip
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