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[sono]

I have recently experienced for myself just how far these 2 states bring one's vibration down; yet they seem to me to be part of the human condition & almost necessary "evils" on the path,  because without regret one would not be led to make better & wiser choices in future.  And as for grief, it seems almost uncaring & even disrespectful to succeed in not grieving at the passing of a loved one.

Perhaps the worst part of grief is the sense that one is perhaps holding back the very spirit one is grieving over.

But how "should" we react to the death of loved ones?  On this forum, of all places, we know there is "continuance", & probably a better form of existence than  3-D. So,  is it selfishness? Clinging? In the Bhagavad Gita Krshna tells Arjuna that he "grieves for those who should not be grieved for", which is (intellectually) acceptable, but (for me) not always emotionally possible. . . . . .

[Pawel]

But how "should" we react to the death of loved ones?  On this forum, of all places, we know there is "continuance", & probably a better form of existence than  3-D. So,  is it selfishness? Clinging? In the Bhagavad Gita Krshna tells Arjuna that he "grieves for those who should not be grieved for", which is (intellectually) acceptable, but (for me) not always emotionally possible. . . . . .

React like you want to react. If you feel like grieving - grieve. If you don't feel like grieving - don't grieve.  If you have strong emotions - face them, observe them, accept them, release them.
Observe yourself.

[Aunt Clair]

I think it is a wise question Sono, one requiring the deepest philosophy. 

And Pawel has given it a good and human answer.

I will give it a go too.

Even an avatar has compassion. The Boddhisatva hears the crys of the world and weeps a single tear.

It is more about self discipline. Not giving over to depression.
 
For example reactive depression is normal, it is human to grieve for a time over
a death or permanent separation from a home or a spouse or a job. But it becomes clinical depression when it lasts for a long time.

What do we quantify as too long a time? Some would say it takes years to heal from a divorce or the death of a child. I would agree. And all though we say time heals all wounds , the wound may fester and remain easily opened again. It is never completely absent. It just is not "ever present". The grief no longer invades every thought and begins to be healed enough that life goes on. 

Grief , despair, sorrow, dismay, fear, anger , rage and guilt are amongst the negative emotions.

Negative emotions cause us to react to others negatively. Depression causes anger to others which is not meant but is a reaction to being out of control of the situation. And so when we need to keep it together the most, we may be the most out of sorts. We may lose our tempers with our dear ones when we should be comforting them. Funerals can become a breeding ground for conflict instead of healing.

What we try to teach ourselves is to not hold onto negative emotions of grief and sadness to become closer to Godhead by letting it go. And trying to remain even and balanced in our temperament , tetrapolar , neutral or better yet elevated to a nirvanic bliss.

Is it difficult. Sometimes it seems impossible. When that is the case then be content to lift yourself for a moment within an abyss of despair and be grateful for the respite. Like a wedding after a funeral . We enjoy the wedding but the mind turns towards the absent seat and the eye weeps .

It is a difficult thing to do. I ,myself, am a sooky-lala. I cry too easily and I am very compassionate at the plight of others and cry for them too. But I am learning slowly and I feel that this is a good thing to learn.

But I also feel that bottling up negative emotion is worse. Built up negativity causes dis-ease which creates disease. Which begins with stress, anxiety , insomnia and depression.

So when the avatars and masters teach us not to spend time in self pity and sorrows it is not because they lack compassion. It is for our own good and the good of those around us and it is because good positive energy lifts us up , those around us up and ultimately heals the world of its ills. Positive energy is healing. Negative energy is dis-easing.

So the idea is not about holding in the tears but it is about not feeling the need to cry becoming a bit numb to griefs sorrows or being able to let them go sooner and more easily because we know that everything is going to be alright and we feel at peace. We have faith and not fear.

I love that song "Three Little Birds" by Bob Marley;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LV_V8wZsiDk&feature=related

[sono]

Thank you both. . . .Please ignore me if I ask too many irritating questions! BTW, AC, you say you cry too easily over the plight of others; so do I, but not with physical tears - it is more of a sense of feeling what they feel, & a dark wave of sorrow at the way the world is.  For example,  I try to do a small amount of charity work with rescued animals, but sometimes I simply can't face going through what they are enduring & so stay away. . .. . from self-preservation, lack of discipline etc. I know, because then they do not benefit in any way at all! I actually can't  eat plants I have grown myself, as being personal friends, & really feel pain myself if I have to trim back a tree- what on earth is one to do in 3-D!?  Is it that the heart chakra has become weak, & lacking dispassion, in my case? (In yours, I "see" a developing Bodhisatva, which is a different matter)

Julie by Crip
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